It’s a whole new world when the sun sets, and most people settle in for the night. Peace and quiet sets in. Tranquility. A calming atmosphere. Unknown to most who dance to a normal circadian rhythm. It’s such a stark contrast against a bustling world filled with daily activities – even the wildlife and atmosphere add noise that from a symphony of sounds most people experience. I’ve never experienced one of those sound deprivation chambers, but I would welcome the experience. The closest I come are the evenings and early mornings I spend alone after everyone else has paused to rest.

Even as a young child, I remember pulling all-nighters working on projects. Whether it was editing a video, building a website, or maybe doing some late-night reading – I distinctly remember the difference I felt between working throughout the day versus overnight. It’s the same feeling I have today nearly 20 years later.

I’m not typically distracted by novel things like watching tv or talking with friends – but I do feel distracted by cars driving by or people walking down the sidewalk. Emails arriving, fellow co-workers pinging me – any indication that I may be needed elsewhere. All these things break concentration and make it difficult to get to that ideal ‘flow state’.

That’s about all the logic I have right now to understand why I am so much more productive at night. I feel like I get more done, I reach ‘flow’ much more consistently, I do find it easier to think and be creative. Overall, I’m in a much better mood to get things done, and I do.

This is a large factor in why I hate being ‘forced’ to work during traditional work hours and insist on flexible schedules and specific due dates. My ‘end of day’ means before you come into work tomorrow. And that’s how I’ve operated. I often check out of work early and return to it much later in the evening, or early the next morning. I regularly butt heads with folks who try and force ‘getting stuff done between specific hours’. It’s not without its bad side though. For one, it means, by definition, that I ‘take work home with me’ and work sort of around the clock. And I have been bit by this too. Many times, wishing I didn’t have to jump back into work or that I could forget about it till the next day. I have struggled with that a lot.

In a way, I could see that I have conditioned myself that when the darkness roles in, that’s time to work. But wouldn’t that mean I’d be super productive over winter when we hardly see the sun? Who knows? I wonder if there is any science to support that some people just do better at night physiologically? And if so, what does that mean?

One of the other points I wanted to make is that it ‘feels like’ it is easier to think when I am tired. I don’t know why or how – or if there is any science to support that either – but if I were to guess – I would say that a tired brain is a lazy brain that doesn’t go wandering down rabbit holes and stops at either the first solution it finds or the easiest one. And in a way that makes it appear more effective, especially if your metric is simply getting stuff done. I can see how that would be easier with a tired brain. Not ideal for thought-intensive work – it must be low cognitive resources.

If you are a night-owl like me, then you know what I have been talking about. I would fancy a lot of creators and entrepreneurs are or have been at times. If you haven’t stayed up all night to appreciate what happens, then I encourage you to try it. Even cities that don’t die down completely overnight, I still recognize the difference. The world is noisy and you might not really know exactly how noisy it can be unless you hear what it’s like when everyone else is asleep.

“Those who can’t do, teach – those who can’t teach, teach gym.”

This was a saying I grew up with. I suppose it was supposed to be a motivator for me to learn, maybe? Maybe it was a dig against educators? At this point I don’t recall the exact motivation only the quote itself. I’d like to collect my thoughts on education, why I value teaching, and the importance of mentorship. I have probably been shaped by those words and I still do find them relative today. I think they deserve more context because I don’t believe the phrase hold true in all context.

For starters, I don’t believe most educators choose that career because they couldn’t do anything else. I think most wanted to be an educator and worked to fulfill that dream. That said, economics is real and ‘educating’ I don’t believe is any sort of specialized skill. I would have to assume that most people become educators for a love or passion for teaching and they find fulfillment and reward through that. Someone who lacked any specialized skill and fell back on teaching as ‘plan B’ may not find the same fulfillment through educating. They may be financially motivated, and I think this is one of the tell-tale signs of poor-quality educators and gives merit to the original statement.

I believe this also applies to folks who get trapped by academia. Often seen at the university level, people who obtain high levels of education and immediately fall over to teaching. Often times they may move on to things like independent research to further their expertise on a specialized topic in their field – but it’s a cautionary tale. I think in areas of theory, science, research, this path is valid. However, in fields that impact areas outside academia it is hard for me to understand how anyone who has no experience outside academia can teach anything practical to the real world. Especially in fields that move at a more robust pace than academia.

A third example I can highlight are the folks who spend a short period of time in industry then move into education full time. This is a much greyer of a scenario for me. It is completely acceptable that someone discovers their desire to educate and switches careers to follow their passion. They bring with them real world experience and their education. However, there is still the possibility they are ‘falling back’ to teach due to an incompetency or lack of skill.

So far, I have laid out some examples of why others might teach. In many cases it is not for a lack of ability. As is the case for me. I have taken the middle ground where I can be both working and education. Teaching has been something I have always wanted to do – because I do genuinely find fulfillment in helping others be successful. I do it in some ways selfishly because it makes me feel good. I also understand that in most situations it doesn’t pay nearly as much as other things I do. Therefore, I choose to work as well. Additionally, things move way more quickly in tech than education does. It is important to me to stay informed and relative and continue learning.

Teaching is humbling. I believe it makes you stronger, wiser in your craft because it helps you elevate others around you. It is one thing to be a Rockstar yourself, but a whole different thing entirely if you can help elevate everyone around you to that level. It takes practice. It takes understanding beyond simply doing, but at a level that you can connect and explain to others. Understanding at a deeper level than most. I take pride in that.

Teaching keeps you revisiting the fundamentals and can help you stay current with trends. The real basics don’t seem to change much, buy you might see that some things have changed since you learned them. Teaching helps keep you informed – and that historical knowledge you have might be valuable context to newcomers seeing something for the first time. In a way, you create this cycle of knowledge that keeps you moving forward, while always coming back around to the basics, refining your own understanding and comprehension. Especially through the questions you will be asked. Folks will constantly challenge your knowledge and ability to break down concepts which is a great way to learn and grow yourself.

Finally, I teach to grow my network. This is certainly a bet on the futures of my students. The idea is that through teaching, you provide individuals with new skills they can go out and do things within the world. You helped enable that. Most people will remember those who helped them fulfill their goals or dreams. I want to be remembered. I want to enable folks to go create awesome stuff.

I may not look like your typical educator and for some that may seem out of character for me. I have been fortunate to teach dozens of kids and adults over the last few years in a variety of capacities. I have enjoyed each and every opportunity. I highly recommend taking advantage of opportunities to teach or mentor. Mentoring can be great for folks who want a bit less formality and more flexibility. Either way, I promise you will see growth in yourself as well. It is an excellent way to challenge yourself and help someone else at the same time.

Leave a comment or hit me up if you would like some advice on how you can get started. If you are searching for a mentor in software engineering, hit me up and let’s chat!

The whole world is upside-down right now. I’m finding myself bored out of my flipping mind. Not that there aren’t things I could ‘do’ – but my brain is exhausted of the scenery. The same pattern everyday and hours upon hours sitting in this same dang chair that I am now, day in and day out. I am in need of doing anything else. Typically, I’m finding any way to get out of my house, but as the world burns outside and everyone driven indoors, I’m stuck. On one hand I’m seeing myself drift to areas of creativity I haven’t felt in 10 years. But on the other hand, I feel driven to sleep 18+ hours a day. Everyday. Like I’m so bored, but with responsibilities I don’t have the energy for. So, in one of my fits of ‘what the hell’ I decided to explore my lack of talents as a voice-over talent/person.

With most things, I tend to shy away from the bare minimum. Even if it’s ultimately crap, I want it to be pretty looking crap. Like you can tell there is production value, but still bad, but now not complete garbage – just easy to laugh at. Anyway, that was my objective. I could have read anything – but no. I decided that if I were going to put in this much effort, I should give myself the lowest chance to turn a profit. So, I chose a complementary garbage platform, fivrr.com, and created a gig where I would read anything you wanted for a ridiculous fee. Hey, if anyone would pay it, it would surely be worth my while. As part of my post I would have to feature some samples of my work. Time to create a masterpiece.

For my first embodiment of work, I found some practice scripts online for a variety of industries – car sales, non-profits, education and carefully read each of the scripts in the most professional voice I could imagine. It was surprisingly very enjoyable. I ended up returning for more scripts a couple times. I must have recorded over a dozen scripts. Hours went by, but I wasn’t done yet. Nope. I sorted out my favorite ones and searched my catalog of backing tracks to lay down beneath each of them. A little audio finessing latter, adjusting my voice to sound a bit warmer and fuller, and things were starting to come together.

Slightly impressed with myself – I realized I would need somewhere to host my creations. I decided to upload my portfolio to Soundcloud.com. I attached each one to my Fivrr gig as well. Confirmed. Then we were live. I was officially available for hire.

I’m still bored as hell, and I haven’t had a single bite on my post – but no big deal. I’m happy with the creativity I have found recently. I have been able to accomplish a lot and catch up on things I threw on the back burner. Although I welcome a sense of normalcy as soon as possible. Check out my voice over work below and let me know if you’d like to hear more!

I have a lot of conversations with people about life. How they are doing, what they are up to, what their goals or ambitions are. I first became interested in hearing these answers from people after hearing so many people complain about their current circumstances. What it boiled down to be a simple question, “are you doing what you want to do – and does that bring you fulfillment?” It was evident through just a short conversation that many people were spending most of their time doing things they would rather not do. But why?

Over the years, I have spoken about what I believe are the three things that stop people from living fulfilling lives and maximizing their potential. The first is fear. Fear is the greatest demotivator and is responsible for a lot of missed opportunities for people. Second is perspective. The way a person views their circumstance and abilities. How they reason and process situations in the world around them. Finally, confidence. The belief that despite other contradicting truths you may hold, you can still move forward. Today, I want to explore fear and share why I believe you should not only challenge your fears but intentionally seek to overcome them.

The only way out is through -

I like this phrase because it presents the situation as only having one answer. Research supports that confidence is diminished in situation as more options are available. Simplifying a situation to only a single option will increase focus and confidence. I used this approach heavily throughout school. Rather than focusing on the task, say a large project or term paper, I focused on the feeling and experience of finishing the task and how that would feel. “One day, this paper will be done”. This mindset pivots focus from something associated with a negative feeling to something with a positive feeling, which as a result drives motivation.

Fear and the Unfamiliar –

People fear things they do not know or are unfamiliar. Make it familiar and you will no longer fear it. The further your mind must leap to connect a current (or potential future) situation to a prior experience, the more power fear gains in unfamiliarity. Think of the last situation you were in where you experienced fear – it was probably a new experience or unlike anything you had experienced before. You probably had a lot of questions and uncertainties. What do I do? What do I say? Where do I look? Where do I go? When you cannot answer those questions, it can also feel like a lack of control over your situation as well.

Flipping a 180 on your emotions probably isn’t going to work for most people, but we can still move toward doing what we fear by embracing new experiences that challenge us. The key is to build these cognitive pathways between experiences. To do that, you may have to be intentional in creating opportunities for these experiences. A cliché example may be public speaking to large groups of people. It’s more than just ‘gaining experience’ to really be successful, you should be intentional about the experience. You could think of it as a linear progression from speaking to a small group, to a slightly larger, and so on until you are presenting to stadiums of people. When you aren’t intentional about your experiences you may end up in a new situation too far a cognitive leap from familiarity that you yield back some power to fear.

Make mistakes –

Somewhere along the line making mistakes got a bad rap. I think society has conditioned us to avoid making mistakes by associating mistakes with punishment, when in fact mistakes should be encouraged. You should look at opportunities with great potential rather than in fear of making a mistake. With this mindset, I believe more people would be doing stuff and challenging themselves and growing as individuals. One of my favorite sayings, “How do you become an expert at anything – make enough mistakes.” Through those experiences you are continuing to grow as a person which gives you greater perspective.

Fear can and will hold you back from many opportunities. It will hinder your growth and narrow your perspective. Rather, I challenge you to instead face your fears head on – challenge them – embrace them – and do what you fear.

"I haven't been as disciplined about it as I should." That's a phrase I've been using lately to dismiss any inquiries about any content I have made lately. Plainly, I've been using that statement as a write-off for not making time to do things like this. Well, this is a top-of-mind tale about my plan to solve this issue.

Lets step back to circa 2007-ish - my middle school years. Looking back through my primary and secondary school years I feel I was more creative and expressive than I am today. For example, I used to write a ton while these days I am struggling to get back into the grove of it. I feel I have lost a sense of structure - although I have not seen myself as someone who requires it, looking back that may be the one thing I am missing.

I've always been a fan of lists, but I had lists and notes placed all over. On tabletops, keyboards, on walls and tablets sprawled across my desk. I kept a weekly task list of all assignments and religiously marked them done once completed. And although I keep a few lists around today, I don't see them being as effective as they were growing up. Recently due to the global quarantine, I am finding myself overcome with boredom and a slight itch to do something, anything.

Which brings me here. I've been keeping a list of topics and I think I'm going to preschedule those topics across days I want to release content. Rather than making a note to 'write something', I will note the exact prompt. It makes for much less cognitive exercise. As I say, it's gotta be easy or I'll never do it.

So this is the new plan. Schedule all the topics, try and write them in advance, and get ahead of the release schedule. As long as I keep adding one or two topics to the list per week, I should keep a steady flow of content. This is creativity through discipline. Forcing structure to make creating easier.

As an aside, it is fascinating to me that I can write general topics in my notes and months later I can recall exactly what I meant. This is fascinating because I can imagine a time when one prompt may have been motivated by a certain event when noted but takes on an entirely different context when I finally get around to penning a story. The context not changing is as fascinating to me as the opportunity for it to change.

This is not sponsored but I do want to share a little about Notion.so, the software I have been using for a while now as my central dumping ground for everything from topic ideas to managing projects to keeping notes to budgeting finances. It's a mashup of OneNote and Asana and Excel, calendars, and more. It has become a daily driver for me because it effortlessly syncs between my desktop and mobile so I can access and create items anywhere, anytime. Content is also available offline on mobile devices so I can access my notes even with a spotty connection. Finally, you can create workspaces and invite collaborators, so I can share data in real-time with folks I am working with. Check it out at Notion.so.

I started off 2020 with a short trip down to New Orleans, Louisiana. My hope is to make several adventures this year to destinations unknown. Over four days we explored the French Quarter, toured many museums, walked from sunrise to sunset, and maybe learned a little more about the history of this city.

January 4th, 2020 -

Saturday. Early morning flight out of Pittsburgh where I manage to show up last despite my concerted effort to arrive early to the airport. We took flight toward Houston, TX. I would be amiss if I didn't mention our flight attendant. Despite his sub-par demonstration of airplane safety during takeoff, he was actually quite a character. I appreciate the dozen or so snacks and refills he threw at me.

A few hour layover awaited us in Houston - which was extended by a delay in our arriving flight. More waiting. Nothing interesting. Took off. Landed in New Orleans. Hunted around the airport for some guy who was to transport us from the airport to the hotel. No worries, we found the guy - maybe it was his first day? Disheveled suit, about a size too big, crumpled sign - but hey, he's got one job, drive.

The hotel was average. That night we walked down to a restaurant near, but I don't believe on, Bourbon street. Tried some fried alligator. Takes like chicken.

Around 20:00 was a ghost tour lead by some professor guy. He gets an A+ for enthusiasm. As myself a skeptic, claiming all the research he had done only made me feel as though he was bolstering his ghostly tales with pseudo claims. They say every good lie is derived from an ounce of truth. To be fair, he's compensated for entertainment, not accuracy.

The night ended early, but I suppose most people are tired after a day of travel. I would have rather done some more exploring, but we ended up turning in early.

January 5th, 2020 -

Sunday. The first and only day I managed to have enough time to get up and go for a little run before starting the day. I started to doubt that this hotel had a gym or a pool when I set out on an adventure to locate the amenities. Not on the top floor. Not off the lobby. I started walking floor by floor until I came across a maid in the service elevator. Turns out of twelve floors, the gym and 'rooftop' pool are located on the fifth floor. Did a 1.5 mile run and light workout, then joined everyone else for breakfast downstairs.

Today we toured the WWII Museum. Now, I don't want to sound ignorant to what went down - but I have a hard time understanding how everyone in the country was so enthused to join the military. There was so much propaganda; is it possible we're still only seeing the story threaded by the government? I searched the museum for answers to questions like - what did intelligent people do? What was life like in the home front? Propaganda would lead you to believe all the women took up factory and manufacturing work. What about the folks do did not? Where is that side of history?

Seeing no point in investigating the museum any further and paying for a severely overpriced, shitty burger at the Soda Shop I took my attention elsewhere to the Ogden Museum of Southern Art. This place was dope. I've been sort of making it a thing to visit art museums on my travels. This place featured artists spanning across many southern states - not just Louisiana. Art is like wine in that it's a true skill and talent to appreciate it. It's developed over time. Art is like wine in that I wish I had that skill and new how to adequately describe its nature in ways that captured its essence and beauty.

Mid-afternoon we met up with a local artist, Tibre. This guy was super genuine. He does these art photo blends which are pretty simple - but it was still cool to just walk around a bit and get to meet him. Maybe give him a follow on Instagram.

January 6th, 2020 -

Sunday night I had a database migration event which lasted way too long into early Monday morning. I contemplated even going to sleep for fear I wouldn't be up in time to depart Monday morning. I did sleep. Hardly. I woke up, ran down to the lobby and met everyone else for departure to the plantations about an hour away. I slept the entire ride, but that wasn't enough.

This was my least favorite thing of the entire trip.

We drove back and got lunch in the French Market. People go crazy on 'vacations' and spend money for the sake of spending money. I basically sat around for two hours - well, I did sneak in a mudslide daiquiri. I had to have something to pass the time.

That evening we watched the 'Krewe of Joan of Arc' parade. No idea what that means, but it was super sketch. I stand by the fact that the Catholic Church is the largest cult in the world. It was hard not to laugh at these people.

January 7th, 2020 -

Tuesday. We kicked off the day with a visit to New Orleans School of Cooking. I will be revisiting this place. I was kinda bummed that we wouldn't be cooking - because I wanted to show off my mad cooking skillz. The food was tasty though. I had a bit of every meal which honestly was only because I saw exactly how it was made. Had that not been the case, there was no way I would have touched the gumbo or jambalaya. Fortunately, this place has an online store which I will be hitting up shortly. 10/10 would recommend booking this place if you visit New Orleans.

We visited The Presbytere and The Cabildo - the only interesting display was the Katrina one. They had a Mardi Gras display which was okay - despite two years of French, I didn't realize that "Mardi Gras" was French - Mardi as is Tuesday - I always thought "Mardi Gras" was just a proper noun for some parade. It's a literal translation to "Fat Tuesday" - whoops.

We hit up the cable car and rode up to the Garden District. I slept most of the way, but every time I get on nasty public transportation I remember why I hate and refuse public transportation. Look at the types of people who ride public transportation. I might catch something from the guy sitting in the back. Lord knows that car could be packed and no way in hell I'm sharing my seat. I don't care if it's $3/day -> I'll take my own mode of transportation and pay the privilege tax and be happy.

We made it up to the Garden District then walked what felt like 500 miles to see a tree. This particular tree just happened to be the largest tree. If you asked me, I just thought it looked like two average trees grew into one another. The entire walk up I just kept thinking of the story, The Giving Tree. We caught a bus line back into town. Urgh.

The final chapter of the adventure concludes on a Riverboat Jazz Cruise. It was essentially the Gateway Clipper. The food was meh and I opted for a non-alcoholic cranberry juice which cost me $6. I could purchase a liter of cranberry juice for less than the cost of that drink. Re-dic-u-lous. But, it's probably something I would have done myself anyway - and it is a great date spot.

January 8th, 2020 -

Wednesday. 6:45 we departed the hotel. Every day I was in the lobby at the scheduled time, but was always the last one. When I arrived, everyone was outside loading the bus with their belongings. Fortunately, having only my backpack and no need to store anything in the back, I boarded immediately.

Our flights back took us from New Orleans to Chicago then to Pittsburgh. I basically tuned into work calls the entire way back. It's nice now having had a few years of practice working while on the road that I can seamlessly juggle muting and unmuting, navigating myself and the conversation with ease. If it wasn't for airport announcements I don't think anyone would have known I was on the road.

Though, to that point, no one seemed to care. It's fortunate that I have people now who don't care that I'm on the phone with them in an airport or that I flew cross country but kept working. It was a lot of stress to keep up a facade I was 'at home' while on the road.

Conclusion -

For me, this trip meant an opportunity to share an experience. Being alone nearly all the time gets kinda depressing. Even as I have traveled and want to continue to explore, the toughest obstacle is doing it by myself. I enjoyed the people, I was introduced to new foods like alligator and catfish, I had a four course meal with an entertaining chef, I got to see and explore the culture and history of a new city.  

Shout out to CulturED Travel for providing an awesome experience. 10/10 would recommend you go check them out and maybe tag along on one of their upcoming trips!

The end of a decade. I keep seeing posts of folks reflecting on the beginning through the end of the last 10 years. Featuring the highlights and cheering to the years ahead. Why not jump on this train? I think, maybe an appropriate time as ever to publicly reflect. For all of us reaching the height of our twenties, the past 10 years may be our most transformative of our entire lives. I would like to recognize that by diving a little deeper into how those years have shaped me. The highs and the lows, good memories and failed relationships – mistakes and successes. All as I have come to remember them. In these final hours of 2019, lets take a journey down memory lane.

The Highschool Years (2009): 16 years old. Junior. Few things happened this year that has made it quite memorable. Summer ’09 I got to go on a badass trip abroad to Mexico with folks from my Spanish class. It was a transformative experience on immersion, and I gained a whole new appreciation and interest in the language. This is the year I discovered how to sell my services and make my own money. Long before the “gig economy” or everyone had “side-hustles” I knew I didn’t want to solely depend on a paycheck. In fact, to be honest, I knew I could earn more than minimum wage. Junior year I also started attending the dual enrollment program with Saint Bonaventure University – funny thing there was that I wasn’t entirely planning on doing it and a certain someone filled out an application on my behalf. AP Psych that year was good. In October I met someone special and December 4^th we started dating. Seriously one of the most nervous nights of my young life at the time but a solid decision. I remember trying to work up the courage for like a week – feelings.

2010: So I guess this is technically the start of the last decade – though there is hardly much I remember from this particular year. My friends (mostly) graduated. That was challenging for me. Fortunately, because of the dual enrollment program, I only had one class at the high school my senior year. Most days I was waking up around 10am. That was nice. I also remember walking into class at SBU late on multiple occasions. I spent a lot of Fridays and “extended weekends” in Clarion. The drives down there were not bad at all, in fact I realized I could leave after SBU class and arrive before class was out at the high school. Many rides down there listening to ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘Dracula’ on audio for my Brit-lit- class. It’s stupid, but still makes me smile. Those were some good drives. I quit basketball my senior year. It’s about the only thing I have ever just up and quit in my entire life. Team dynamics were partially the issue, but not nearly as much as I made them out to be. Really the motivation came from recognizing I would lose my Friday nights and weekends – I had really gotten used to spending those elsewhere.

2011: I think this is the year I would point to when I think about when I really started thinking about growing up and being on my own. For a couple years at this point I had something good and I wasn’t alone. I had been used to being alone – I knew how that felt and didn’t want those feelings to return. I was also spiteful of the words others has spoken to me. My relationship would not last. I would be alone. At the time I pretended that those words did not affect me, but I was very scared of losing the bit of happiness I had found. The other force at play during this time was the big question mark on life. I’d say this is the first crossroads I had found myself at where I hadn’t defined what to do. College was the obvious – and only answer – but how was this decision going to impact everything else in my life at this time. For me, meeting people isn’t difficult, but losing people is devastating – so I followed what was safe and familiar and landed in Clarion for college.

The College Years (2011-2014): Looking back, I still have a fondness for Clarion and have been fortunate enough to be invited back on several occasions and maintain some friendships with former professors and faculty. During my time as an undergrad I was heavily involved in campus activities and media. I helped kick off the production house which still exists on campus. In fact, they still run my promo vid across campus to this day. I met some awesome people. Several of which I don’t talk with much anymore, which is saddening.

Most of what I have taken away from my time at Clarion grew out of being ‘on my own’ and having someone to grow with. I never really lived a day alone through college. Having someone share in those experiences meant a lot to me. Negatively, it was a dependency. Arguably these were some formative years – figuring out my identity – learning who I am as a person – but what I knew was who I was in this relationship. I think that its important to recognize that now.

So what other exciting things happened over these years? I continued picking up contracting work and got to work with lots of shady people – haha. A few not so shady as well but starting out in the early days was filled with a lot of cold emailing and responding to internet posts. Nevertheless – I was earning enough to pay for living expenses and extracurricular activities through school. I interviewed with Google for a dev position out in Mountain View. First few rounds went well, but it ended in a fireball. That said, it was a transformative experience. It greatly impacted how I approach interviewing and teaching in this field. Some friends and I started a business venture together. We would get to work with some awesome and talented people. But at the time it was pretty run and gun and on a whim. I turned 21 and spent it with these friends – it was way better than getting trashed at some local bar. I suppose some other typical memorable moments for me where all nighters to write term papers, then getting the gf to drop me off right in front of class because I wouldn’t’ have time to walk. Sleeping through half a final and coming in when everyone else was practically finished and getting the stink eye from the processor. That time I slept through my stats final and took a 0. Still passed though. All the help the gf provided to get me through abnormal psych and oceanography. Training rats to run mazes and jump chairs. That experience I still talk about. I think my solution was pretty clever. Filming ALF and shooting the Thriller music video. The more I sit here and think, the more stuff comes back to me. Endless feels. I graduated in spring 2014, in 3 years with 2 degrees, 3 declared minors and roughly 160 credit hours. Insane. Crazy. Almost completely worthless education wise, but a meaningful part of my growth.

Moving north to Erie (2014): After graduation and a subsequent short summer, we packed up and moved north to Erie. I was convinced I needed a ‘real’ job and found a big-boy job downtown. Not the best decision I would come to find out, but it officially marked the start of my ‘career’ – which had really started over five years prior. All too soon after the move, life went sideways and I was faced with reality. It was a dark time feeling very alone in a new place, on my own – it was the pinnacle of what I was terrified. Mostly stripped of the identity I knew. Finally forced toward learning to grow up on my own. Somehow, I managed to keep my job. Clinging onto this one thing – the only thing I knew in this unfamiliar world I found myself in. Weekends were tough so I started spending them in clarion and working on the business we continued to build there.

2015: Still spending nearly every weekend at the studio. In June we went on tour in Florida. I’m still managing to work for the same agency downtown. I got involved with the local developer group. I decided that 1) I was going to throw myself into work and 2) I was going to be known and involved throughout the city. I gave myself 3-5 years to figure out my next step. In late 2015 we had the opportunity to move the studio to a larger, bit more professional spot in DuBois, PA so we did that.

2016: This is where I start to feel like I hopped in a time machine and raced forward. I hardly have recollection of events in 2016. I had my first experience quitting a job. I left the downtown agency for a fully remote position. Going into an office never suited me and I quickly found familiar territory when I was back to solely ‘working from home’. Like I alluded earlier, all that contracting before and during college sort of spoiled me. This year I also started getting involved in STEM education and teaching code. This is something I have really come to enjoy, and it laid the groundwork for things I am still doing today. I also was invited back to Clarion to speak as an alumnus.

2017: More speaking engagements, more teaching, continuing to work full time remote and contract. I think this is when ‘side-hustling’ became more popular and more and more people started calling themselves ‘entrepreneurs’ or ‘self-employed’. Not to sir things up, but if you aren’t paying self-employment taxes then it’s hard for me to entertain those assertions. Nevertheless, I found myself part of a trend. None of that was the highlight of the year though. 2017 was all about finding property to buy. Why? Just cause I could and wanted to. But it needed to be the right place. I spent some time at first looking at commercial places. Then I pivoted to duplexes, but ultimately decided for #1 investment property would just be something moderately cheap that I could throw 10-15k into then rent out. By the end of the year, I had an accepted offer. I wasn’t in much of a hurry – I wanted to be patient and take my time. Though the biggest issue I had was finding a reliable agent. Not sure if they didn’t take me seriously or what, but I went through agents like very other day. I’d find properties and just send them a list saying, “how many of these can you get me into?”

Growth(2018): I was chairing Professional & Leadership Development for the Young Erie Professionals, spending more time in classrooms helping kids with financial literacy, building growth mindsets and learning code. I spoke at the mayor’s morning press conference about entrepreneurship, spent a week in Savannah, GA and picked up some more long-term contracting teaching web development. In July I went an saw Kesha and Macklemore in concert up at Darien Lake. November, I started looking for a change of pace for work. Seemed pretty standard to spend a couple years somewhere then move along. I traveled to NYC for an onsite and got stranded in Philly’s train station on the way back due to weather. Ended up spending the night at the station and cruised around Philly in the am searching for a way out.

2018 was a year of work and projects. A year full of stress. A year where I couldn’t seem to fulfill a hunger of doming something. I got involved in several projects, demoed them to a lot of people. Unfortunately, I really got burnt out and crushed under things to do. I wasn’t taking good care of my health and had even ended up in the emergency room. For me to voluntarily walk into a hospital you know it wasn’t good. The job had me running development of a brand-new product which I dumped thousands of hours into over the course of the entire year. The year was mentally exhausting. I wanted to find a healthier balance and start making moves toward getting back in shape. I would say by this time I was finally coming around to ‘adulting’ on my own. I still didn’t own any furniture in my house, or a bed, but I was figuring out who I was, what was important to me, and finally figuring out how I could make it all happen. Slowly healing but moving in a positive direction.

Finally on my way (2019): Here we are. And in just an hour there it will go. So what happened this year? I continued interviewing with companies from all over. Seriously probably no less than fifty places by mid-year. I was being very particular. I even turned down an offer from Nike. Having all these companies cover my expenses to interview onsite was pretty cool and spurred an interest in traveling more for myself. The month of July I had the opportunity to work with students through the Upward Bound program out at Penn State Behrend. That was awesome. August came around and I had an opportunity to adjunct teach at Mercyhurst Northeast. Adjusting is something I have wanted to do and would love the opportunity to do it again! September, I took 10 days and drove to Myrtle Beach, SC. I spent time in Roanoke, VA and caught up with and old friend. That whole trip was amazing. October, I started a new job. November, I was asked to participate in helping develop new curriculum at Erie Technical School by way of their DACUM process. December, well here we are. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on these last years – who I am now and how I have grown and created a life for myself. Without a doubt I am in a fortunate and sort of privileged position. But I am still hungry. I want more. I know I can do more. Yes, it would be a very easy life to just coast from this point forward. But this whole concept is something I have been struggling with this month particularly as I reflect on the past decade. Although I don’t want to take it for granted, nothing came overnight. This decade has led me to a ‘comfortable’ lifestyle by way of consistent learning and pushing myself and making smart decisions, knowing my worth, and not settling for less than I want. I think that gives me some leeway to want more because I am willing to go make that happen.

The Future (2020): I kick off the new year with a trip to New Orleans. I have never been before. The special part is that it’s a nice full circle from the Mexico trip back in summer ’09. This year is going to be about execution. I want to launch a product. I want to build something and send it into the world. That is my main goal for this year. I want to continue to travel. I’m working my way up to taking trips abroad. Which means at some point I should start learning more than just Spanish. I want to continue the healthier lifestyle. I want to get back to creating content, which I have slowly been building up to. I want to find happiness and continue figuring out who I am and surround myself with awesome people.

Happy New Year!

Unfortunately, this is the only thing on my mind these days. Simply tired of the same old stuff - want something new to chase after. There's stuff I want to do - but meanwhile have things I am "obligated" to do. It's more than that though. I think the pressure has been compounded by the situation I'm in. I'm caught in the middle between trying to accept a supposed reality that I'm in and accepting that it is simply my mindset I need to change.

Mindset is easy - simply change my expectations. if I don't expect more or believe I have earned something I really should not, then I should be happy and continue to work to improve and reach these goals. Without a way to objectively measure, I am stuck.

I'm exhausted. It means something when I don't want to work. it means something when I don't have the energy and need to force it. Maybe some would say its signs of burnout? All I know is that I am someone who does not like to be bored. Naturally, I spend my time learning and usually I genuinely want to build stuff and solve problems.

Literally I sat here for over 2 hours trying to settle on something to write about - this is the only thing I managed to run with (obviously).

What do I want to do? So lets start with what I think I want. I want to write. I want to make vids and edit. I want a flourishing blog and podcast. I want a spotlight. I want to learn about things I'm currently interested in. Things like diving into new algorithms - ones you wouldn't typically find on a white boarding exercise - but are just as or arguably more important (or impact) (I really want to capitalize on this feeling because who knows when I will be interested in diving deep into algorithms again?!?) I want to look at technologies and frameworks like Apache Spark, Kubernetes, Ansible, Unikernals, Hadoop, distributed programming, cloud native, - I'm just naming things, but you get the point. I want to explore pushing "serverless" to its limit - like doing things that shouldn't be done with "serverless" - just to watch it break. I want to "finish" one of the dozen "projects" I've started. I want to bring one of my ideas (fully) to life. I want to have good problems. I welcome them.

Rather, I'm plagued. I'm annoyed because I still spend my time having to make someone else happy. Spending my days somewhere with no option of running shit there. It felt like a possibility once upon a time, I felt close. But no. I want to have my own 'products' - but I'm not 100% sold on if I would be the correct person to run a company with people. I think I could run the company, but sometimes it takes a little more personal touch. But, idk. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I am okay with that. What I find myself doing lately is monotonous, repetitive and boring. Not that in actuality it is any of those - but when you take away the choice and the ability for me to explore outside the box - then I just become uninterested. Suffocated and exhausted. I don't want every thought I have to require someone else's approval. I don't want to be forced to the quickest solution because spending an extra day or two reasoning about a more proper solution will 'take too long'. Especially on new product development with no hard deadlines. Why don't we implement this for the long-term and make sure we have a solid, well thought out system that is simple and logical to understand?

Maybe it's just me, but when software becomes hard to reason about or things don't fit or make sense, I become disinterested. There is nothing attractive about that software if it's difficult to use. I want software that is flexible and easy for me to use and reason about. Part of that is in the code, part of that is how the code is organized, and part of that is the assumptions that re made. I feel the software going all over, we're skipping things I thought were important, we're de-prioritizing items to release stuff faster, nothing is standardized. When I voice my concerns, I'm shut down. Furthermore, I don't feel respected and I don't think anyone cares. Everything is expected from myself but I am not allowed to expect anything from the business. To me, that's ridiculous. That's exhausting.

Working multiple jobs, putting in countless extra hours - just to accumulate enough money to cover monthly costs (ie. student loans). It's exhausting. Or maybe it's the 'grind' everyone is talking about these days? All I know is that I hear or heard you could earn good money in software development and I'm still living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. Working multiple jobs and trying to find %% under every stone. What's more annoying is I've been doing this for over a decade. I've been teaching myself since I was 8. I had a limited childhood because I spent it all learning and making things. It was great at 15, 16, 17 - but over time those projects don't mean anything. i'm just another guy with a CS degree. Woohoo! I've put in more time than most. I still do. I'm still mentoring developers - doing other devs jobs for them - hours and hours of my time. And I can't get more than a McDonalds salary for it. I'm exhausted.

I didn't set out to ramble, nevertheless I find myself doing it. Not sure exactly what I set out to talk about - I just let this one happen. I  think I'll get some sleep - maybe tomorrow I'll have a more positive outlook - but right now, I'm exhausted. Night!

This is the first post in (hopefully) will be several posts as  I progress through this project.

This is an idea I had while watching a couple of my favorite streamers who, while streaming wildly different content, share a common problem - along with I assume - much of the live streaming community. LEAKS.

That got me thinking - with all the AI and technology we have now, why are there still leaks in live streams? We should be able to catch a lot of that stuff automatically and adapt the live feed before it reaches the public. Yes, this would require a slight delay but arguable (or rather hopefully) a negligible one. And as time goes on we can assume the technology will improve and latency will continue to decrease.

Naturally, there are two components to a live stream; audio and video. Although conceptually simpler, I have decided not to start with audio - and rather start with video - where I believe a majority of the leaks occur.

My starting point is with OpenCV. Goal #1 is to just get some MK algorithms to identify some stuff in camera. And figure out what that latency is. Google has its cloud vision API which may work for a proof-of-concept. We may determine that we need our own neural network. That would suck, but time will tell.

This is post #1 - lets see if we can accomplish our couple tasks and I'll see you in the next post.

Inertia: the tendency to do nothing or remain unchanged.

It's the kryptonite of an entrepreneur. Most of my life has been filled with a desire to positively contribute to the world and remain busy. "Complacency" was the term I would throw around at people looking for stable jobs 9-5 and beers after work. . My simple reasoning was that if I always fought against complacency, then I would never fall victim to it.

Younger me was naive - in so many ways. I recently asked someone who turned 30 what they wish they would have known in their twenties - hoping to glean some wisdom.  His response - "there is nothing you could have told me that I would have believed." When I think about it, there is a lot of truth in that response. You'd like to think that there are rules to life and if you can get the secrets from someone older - that's like a cheat code that gives you a competitive advantage over your peers.

I've also found my twenties to be years of growth. I've gained a perspective on who I was - why (I believe) I was like that. It's hard to describe where this perspective has come from. But I think it's common during these years. Studies (which I won't cite) say your brain doesn't stop developing until 24 so it's not possible for you to have the insight or wisdom until nearly your thirties. Thirty sounds so old.

I find myself questioning "what am I doing with my life?" You've been an adult, on your own, just a half-decade and realize  your parents were just winging it like you are now. No one has that wisdom. Maybe that's why people search for stability, complacency - can I blame them?

Today I went for a bike ride - just 2.78 miles - for the first time in several  years. It's the first step to crack that inertia. At 16 I learned that I could make money my own way. I've been poorly executing on that plan for the last 10 years. At the time, it was a great solution to my current problem. It was great for who I was. I believe for anyone of that age or place in their life that it would have been a great move. But over the years I've picked up some new skills. I've grown and if I want to keep this pebble moving, I have to adapt a solution to where i am now. This is the start of that process.

So fuck inertia. The next month I want to write something everyday. I want to run or bike or play basketball - everyday. Ramping up as we go. Right now, I need to get my head on straight. Eliminate excuses. Refocus and realign. Strategize for where I am today.

Join me on this adventure. Much more to come. I dare you. I bet you wont.